Even The People You Don't Like

We breathe. Or, we get into the cold. Or, we meditate. Or, we write in our journals.  What else do we do to stay sane? Drink cacao? Yoga? Spend time with friends?  But, how do we know it’s all working? 

I have a few friends that are obsessed with wearing pieces of technology (like Whoop) that monitor everything they do. These devices tell them if they’re stressed (surely we can feel that ourselves?). These devices tell them about their sleep, their training and everything else in between. 

Can these devices tell us if all our practises are working? They can give us hints, but there are deeper forces at play. 

When I was younger, I would get angry and frustrated a lot. Basketball, and martial arts, were a great outlet for that aggression and confusion. 

I can see it in my own children now: after training, they feel balanced and calm. Then, of course, life begins again and things push us out of balance again. Until, the next training session. 

Or, for me now, at this stage of my life, until I breathe again. Or, get in the cold again. 

But, back to my original question: is it working? And how do we know? 

I remember listening to a wise old yoga man, years ago, and he had an answer. 

“The way we know that our practises are working,” he said. “Is that our relationships  improve. Even the relationships with the people we don’t like.” 

That made sense to me. 

Are our relationships improving? 

And what about those relationships with the people we don’t like? 

For me, this is the real measure. 

Can I find a way to be kind to the people who are unkind to me? 

Can I find a way to approach difficult people with love in my heart? 

It doesn’t always work, but I try.

But, also, there’s a freedom lurking within this as well: we don’t have to try to fix all those relationships. We don’t have to endure them. We don’t have to grin and bear them.

We have permission to let go of relationships that aren’t good for us. 

We have the right to walk away. To let go. To wish them well and walk on.

We have the right to be free. 

Then, it’s time for more breathing. Or, a dip in the sea.

Back to the practises. Back to the things that bring us balance and joy. 

Who knows, after a while, we might even notice our relationships changing again, improving again. 

One breath at a time. One step at a time.